transformation
My old life has been left behind. The juggling act I used to perform no longer fuels me. Energies that lack integrity don’t get a rise out of me anymore. I’ve come to understand that, all along, God was testing me: When it comes to self, how dedicated are you?
Friendships, finances, relationships, and ego — all of it has been broken down to the foundation it was built on. And honestly, the anticipation of those endings hurt more than the actual changes themselves. I think it’s because after spiraling through every worst-case scenario imaginable, what actually unfolds is rarely as catastrophic. Even when things fall apart, I’ve learned that I usually have more options, more grace, and more power than I thought.
This season of my life called me to question everything — where I’m going, and what I’m building, just as much as where I’ve been. 2025 illuminated my biggest fears and worst nightmares, but somehow, it also gave me the strength, love, and grace to rise like the phoenix.
war cry
my father, ben , 1984.
death
To die is to come alive. In this lifetime, we’ll experience countless cycles of death and rebirth — sometimes subtle, sometimes fateful.
survival mode
I truly thought I had it all figured out. After finishing my Bachelor’s degree in December 2024, I was filled with hope and motivation. I believed a well-paying job was just around the corner after months of grinding through the post-grad job search. I was ready for new roots and fresh beginnings. But life had its own plans — and they didn’t align with mine.
By May of 2025, I was completely jobless. No income. Just surviving off the small cushion of savings I’d set aside for moments like this. It was the first time in seven years — since I started working at 17 — that I had gone over a month without a job. And during that time, my life as I knew it began to unravel.
I’m an independent African woman, raised in a single-parent household after losing my father in 2007. Since childhood, it’s felt like the weight of the world has been on my shoulders. Hyper-independence became my normal — learning to navigate this complex world by becoming my own guide, protector, and source of strength.
the end of illusion
Being in school, working, and being praised for my “hustler” mindset was all I knew — and all I allowed myself to value. I clung to that version of life, regardless of what else might’ve been possible for me. But beneath the surface, I struggled to validate my dreams, honor my spirit, or give voice to my passion for life..
The more time I spent with myself, the more I began to see clearly:
I had surrounded myself with people who didn’t truly see me.
So, I became a people-pleaser.
I dimmed my light in workspaces for the sake of security. I quieted my power out of fear that it would be “too much.”
I silenced my truth to avoid being judged, rejected, or labeled.
my truth
What I realized was this: my external world mirrored my internal wounds.
With time to reflect, I came to understand that the life I was building — the friendships, lovers, jobs, even my old ideas of success — were not what I truly desired. I had followed the traditional path: school, graduation, work, the expected milestones. I thought that by checking all the boxes, I would find fulfillment.
Instead, life came to a halt.
I want a life full of creativity, community, sensuality, and love — a life that breathes with fullness, not just function.
My life was set ablaze, both internally and externally. And as the fire rose, so did my need for freedom. I needed to liberate myself — to live as my full self, even if that meant walking alone for a while. Choosing myself became the only honest option.
What is to give light, must endure burning. -Viktor E. Frankl
rebirth (affirmation)
The path to rebirth begins with acceptance — and through acceptance, liberation follows.
grace
I am still in the thick of it. Still straddling two realities: the old world I’ve outgrown, and the new world I’m slowly building. My footing isn’t always steady. I shift back and forth, because this new world of mine is still under construction — it’s raw, unfamiliar, and sacred.
duality
I’ve come to understand that two truths can exist at once. I don’t have to choose one over the other. I can honor both. I can carry the weight of grief and the lightness of hope. I can be healing and still hurt. I can be unsure and still have faith.
I accept that I don’t have all the answers — and maybe I never will. But in that acceptance, I’ve found grace. I remind myself that I’m human just as much as I am divine. That I’m allowed to be learning, unraveling, and becoming, all at the same time..
acceptance
I accept my uniqueness — my voice, my spirit, and the beautifully peculiar ways it needs to express itself.
I understand now that being misunderstood is okay. But I also know I must not stay in spaces that shrink me or stifle my expansion. I was made to take up space — fully, unapologetically.
I am not my mistakes, and I release the need to be so harsh with myself. Just as I offer others grace in my presence, I offer that same grace to me.
I release
I am not defined by material items. I define who I am.
I am not my job.
I am not my friendships.
I am not my trauma.
I am not my past experiences.
The world may try to convince me otherwise — that my worth lies in my titles, my productivity, my possessions — but I know better. I know the human experience is richer, deeper, and far more sacred than what we’ve been told to believe.
